#I then couldn't think of something for the non-binary folks

[partybarty]

Oh Scotty

Do you know what you're worth?

Scotty Boland is the best on earth

The perfect bowler, just what we need

He took 6fa at the MCG

[anistarrose]

So I have only my two cents to give on the "curing disabilities in fantasy/sci-fi stories" trope, as just one disabled person among many disabled people, but here are my two cents nonetheless.

One defense of the trope is that it's simply a form of escapism, and moreover, a fantasy that disabled people themselves can quite reasonably find joy in — as a feel-good story, a break from all the pain of real life. Many — not all by a long shot, but many — of us would jump at the chance for a cure, after all, and it's not like we're not valid to do so. Lots of us take pride in being disabled, but nevertheless, sometimes it really fucking sucks.

The counterargument to the above is this: that this isn't a realistic trope, and that particularly in combination with the suffocating frequency that this trope is used, this becomes the opposite of a hopeful fantasy. When you have an incurable condition, and the only happy endings you see represented for people like you in fiction are inevitably only achieved once the characters stop being like you — that can be indescribably upsetting.

Disabled characters do not get happy endings while remaining disabled — and fiction is fiction and all, but I'm not going to pretend like this doesn't have gradual, accumulative real-life effects on the amount of effort people/society are willing to put into accessibility and acceptance, because of beliefs like "aren't you going to be cured someday anyway?" Or "isn't this disability just going to stop existing, someday? one way or another?"

I hope I don't have to explain how damaging it is to think the above way, or to imagine a future where disability doesn't exist. (Yes, even though disability is partially socially constructed. That's a load-bearing "partially".)

So, if you couldn't tell, I do generally relate a lot more to the harsher, more critical view of this trope — but I certainly don't want to judge actual disabled people for writing it either (and especially not people with progressive conditions), not when there is genuine catharsis and escapist joy that can be wrung from it. I obviously don't trust non-disabled folks with writing "cure" stories any further than I could throw them, due to a long fucking history of non-disabled people fucking it up — but also, no one should be forced to reveal personal details, let alone medical history, to justify their choice to write something.

This is the paradox that I am willing to come to terms with, by throwing up my hands and saying, "okay, so some of the time I sure don't like it, but it's technically none of my business."

That said: if you're non-disabled, or you're writing about a disability much different from your own (a physical disability when you're autistic, for example), and you want to write an escapist feel-good story featuring disabled characters: I also want to stress that "escapist themes" versus "no one's disability gets cured ever" is very much a false binary. You can have both.

I've never written a "curing a disability" story. But I've both written and enjoyed some extremely escapist, unashamedly hopeful stories revolving around disabled characters — and it's all about accommodation.

A story of any genre where society is more accepting of — and willing to collectively help care for — chronic illnesses and chronic pain? That's escapist, and if it's something that characters once fought tooth and nail for, it's pretty damn cathartic. A fantasy or sci-fi story where medicines are still required to treat a condition, but the medicines are more accessible, more effective, et cetera, may also be escapist depending on the context.

Fantasy service animals, high-tech service robots, magical or indistinguishable-from-magic mobility devices? They're all possibly escapist too. (Just note that a lot of disabled people may still maintain a personal preference for seeing the "real world" versions, and that's that's also perfectly reasonable. Remember that the gripe with the original trope has a lot to do with a lack of variety in representation, justified by arbitrary rules about how fantasy/sci-fi "should" look, and the goal should be not to replicate that.)

So, in conclusion: if you find yourself writing a disabled character, and want to give them a happy ending, I urge you not to jump to "their disability is cured now" without at least thinking through the alternatives. Do your research regardless, and accept that disabled people will likely have a wide range of opinions on whatever you decide to go with — but accept that disabilities themselves are varied, and should not inherently have to consign either characters or real human beings to tragic lives by their mere existence.

[irlactualhuman]

HEY YOU CHILD OF VICIOUS AND GREAT EXPECTATIONS THAT YOU WERE DOOMED TO ENVISION AS YOUR OWN BUT COULDN'T MEET WITH THE LUCK OR AMBITION OF A THOUSAND OTHERS!

You got this. It's okay to just chill sometimes. Other people are not you and never could be. You can fail. It's okay. As a treat. You know what? Celebrate your failures. It's how you know you're growing. You know what? It's okay to change your tempo suddenly. It's okay to decide something is not right for you. It's even cool and good to decide suddenly that you're just gonna go and do something else. Something fun. Something that fulfills you. And hey. Did you also know that sometimes, we fail at things seemingly inane or simple? Sometimes it's because other things bother us. Sometimes its because we don't feel comfortable in our own skin. Yes. Yesssss.... You might be trans. You could be Non-Binary. (one of us one of us) Did you know that dysphoria manifests in some folks that really suppress themselves as self sabotage? (it did for me) Regardless of who you are or how you've failed or how miserable you are or what you wanna look or feel like, I still love you, at least. I feel love when I think about you. You're not alone. And I'm not alone in how I feel about this. These things are all true and you can find love and feel safe. And in an absolute void, you will still be able to find happiness. That's a thing you've always had. It's inside you and you can't lose it. It's easy to forget you have it, tho.

(I am not a doctor or a therapist. I've just fucked up a lot.)

[kalinara]

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Oh, I have plenty of these. I'd say the vast majority of characters I hate are characters I hate simply because I find their fandom so obnoxious. (I still feel guilty every time I watch Stargate Atlantis and remember that Rodney McKay is actually a really fun character and it's just his utterly pervasive fans who completely drowned out the rest of the fandom with bizarre takes during the time that I was very much into the show that soured me on him.)

I don't know if there's anyone that stands out for me like that in my current fandom (X-Men). Maybe because Krakoa just ended, and the teams are shuffling themselves out, but I haven't really run into any really obnoxious fanbases that I couldn't avoid. So here's some lukewarm "kinda" examples:

Back when I was blogging before, I'd occasionally feel that way about Emma Frost or the Scott/Emma pairing, simply because of how defensive certain fans got when I'd point out the darker aspect of how they began. But that was relatively rare. Fortunately, most Emma fans actually acknowledge that she's a complicated, flawed anti-heroine and like that about her.

Maybe Deadpool. It's not that I don't LIKE him, but his sense of humor has never really appealed to me. And there was that weird Cable/Deadpool fan who kept insisting that Scott was a bad father because of one particular storyline. That was annoying. I also think that folks give Marvel a bit too much credit for his "pansexuality" when by and large, it seems to be an excuse for jokes that would otherwise be offensive.

(That said, I remember him dating a non-binary person in a recent run that was, from what I saw at least, really well done. So maybe they're moving away from just treating it as a joke.)

OH! Movie!Xavier/Cherik. It's not that they're bad, or even that the fanbase is particularly obnoxious or awful. They're not. I just get a twitch in my eye every time I see someone post something about CHARLES FUCKING XAVIER as a woobie blorbo whatever-the-fuck. No. Just no.

[saintship]

Hey I just wanted to request something real quick and if your not comfortable with doing so don't worry about it 🫶🫶

I've been having so much dysphoria lately and I was thinking about an idea where Price had kept in contact with a trans/non-binary teenager they saved a while back and for when in times they needed help with anything Price gave them his number. So reader has been having a huge dysphoric dip and the stress of school has just been way to much on them lately so they called him up and asked for help. (Assuming reader now lives close to their base.) He drives over and just comforts them and let's them know it's okay and he'll always be their biggest supporter.

I've just been craving some good fluffy comfort with Price and again if you're not comfortable with writing this don't worry its absolutely fine. Have a great day/night 🫶

I’m back!

HI IM SORRRYYYYYYY I PROMISE IM NOT ABANDONING THIS BLOG

And to this anon, I hope you’re alright and just know my blog is a place to be you and you're so cool and rad and awesome :)

I just need you

platonic!Price & trans!reader

Some things just don’t go away. The tugging at your skin, stretching as far up and away from your body as you can, the pacing, the staring. It subsides and returns like a rough coastline, traveling everywhere all at once and yet never reaching anything at all.

It was the night you almost died, fittingly, that you truly started appreciating your own. Trapped in a dead end, several figures closing in fast. You heard their radio crackle with a message to capture instead of kill, and couldn’t process which was worse. It all seemed to blur together from then, until you were tucked into yourself, your head between your knees. You felt a hand at your shoulder, which you scrambled away from.

“Woah, hey..”

A gentle voice made you lift your head ever so slightly, seeing a face you didn’t recognize. The shapes lying still behind him proved he’d taken care of your problem.

“Are you hurt?”

Your words felt caught in your ribcage, a fluttering swarm gathering where your courage should be. You shook your head for the negative.

You simply continued to study him, his gentle eyes, the thread of his beanie, his flag patch.

“Right..” He adjusted his feet, now kneeling down fully on one knee. “It would really help me if you could come to the base so I can get you home, okay? It’s not safe here.”

His eyes searched yours with a reverence that confused you to no end. But you nodded.

“Okay..”

“Okay.” His lips twitched gently into a momentary smile before he helped you to your feet.

The base was cold inside, the walls blank and halls narrow, but he kept a hand on your shoulder from the car to his office, the warmth of his palm soothing.

He'd gotten you home safe, talked with your folks, and given you his office number after many attempts of you refusing.

"Call me. Anytime."

So you did. Most of the time, it was you who wanted to know about his life. Military propaganda be damned, with every phone call you were more inclined to hear more about him and his team, which you were both intimidated by and dying to see in person. The first time you called him for a different reason, you couldn't breathe.

"Hey, kid."

"Price.." His name caught in your throat, another wave of adrenaline shooting up your spine. Your room seemed too small, the floor too abrasive, the air too thick.

"Hey, what's wrong? Do I need to come get you?"

"No..no, I.." You huff, angry at your inability to speak. The frustration only built into the trembling of your hands.

"It's too much..everything...I'm going fucking crazy, I can't take this anymore.." Your voice cracked, and embarrassment flashed over your expression. "Price.."

"You need to breathe. Please. Open your eyes, listen to me."

You hadn't realized your eyes were screwed shut until his words encouraged you to open them gingerly, small spots dotting your vision from the strain.

"I know. I know.. listen, you don't have it easy, no question. But your life's only just started. Do your hear me?"

"Yes.."

"Good. Breathe just like that. It's going to be okay, kid, I've got you."

You breathe shakily, nodding even though he can't see you.

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Come outside."

You blinked for a moment before hanging up, forcing your legs to carry you to and out the front door. There he was. Sitting against one of those company-issued trucks that he definitely shouldn't be using for this. For you. But he did.

You don't bother with shoes, your socks largely protecting you from the cold pavement as you walk briskly to him. Before you can bother asking permission, he's got you in his arms, rocking you slowly.

"S'alright.." His voice is softer than it's ever been.

"I didn't mean to bother you, I just-"

"Oi. None of that." He replies immediately, pulling back to rest a hand at the side of your head. "I stayed in touch for a reason. You're a good kid, you deserve someone to call when you get like this, you hear me?"

You nod, too emotional at his words to speak without more tears flowing, before collapsing back into his arms.

"Oh, kid.." he hugs you tightly, letting you take the time to hold onto him.

"I'll always support you. With everything you want to be, and everything you go through. I'm here."

[disaster-fruit]

Believe it or not, I am 27 and have just discovered ATLA and I have some questions. Is my feeling correct that most Zutara shippers are women/nonbinary folks and most Kataang shippers are, well, men. I just can’t help thinking how Kataang is written with such a male gaze in mind, while Zutara covers both perspectives. Anyways, I understand why the show ended with Kataang, I’ve read all the big metas, I understand that Bryke kind of sucks etc. etc. But I’m curious what you think about this perceived gender divide since you’ve definitely been around longer lol

Hello! I gotta say, i don't think i have a better perspective of the fandom to offer, since i haven't actually been part of the fandom since maybe 2012? and back then i was a literal child and i couldn't speak English so 'being in the fandom' was mostly just reblogging gifs and reading the zutara fics in brazilian ao3 of the time. I have watched and re-watched ATLA an unholy amount of times since then, and i have read and watched hours and hours of meta and theories and whatnot, but the fandom itself is not something i'm well acquainted with to give a good perspective on.

I do, however, love to talk and love receiving asks, so i guess you'll get my opinion anyway. And everyone knows i'm not usually concise.

First of all, are most zutara shippers women/non-binary and kat@ang shippers men? I don't know. I haven't been in the fandom and i haven't checked the bios of most posts i did see and interact, so i have no idea. The only kat@ang shipper i personally know is a friend of mine, who is a woman. So i won't speculate on whether or not your feeling is correct, perhaps a fandom veteran would be better equipped at answering it.

What i WILL say is that Kat@ang is, in my opinion, much more appealing from aang's perspective than from katara's. She's older than aang, in an age girls are absolutely not looking at younger boys that way, and doesn't show any interest in him romantically through the whole show, with the only exception that comes to mind being their dance on season 3 (easily their best moment imo), and then their kiss at the very last minute. All we know is that Aang likes Katara, and the other way around is open to interpretation at best.

One sentiment I've seen from kat@ang shippers is that they seem to really like aang and what him to be happy, and since he likes katara, they ship the two. That is all well and fine, we support people having fun with their ships for whatever reason here. That is however not a good enough motivation if you are, you know, the creators of a show who were supposed to have some duty to storytelling, themes, and cohesion. So them making kat@ng happen just so that aang could 'get the girl', despite all the ways that weakens an otherwise phenomenal story, is a bad choice that should be criticized. At the very least, in its execution.

So yeah i don't think its wrong to say there's a 'male viewpoint' to kat@ang as it was made in the show, though i wouldn't necessarily extend that to the kat@ng fans in the fandom since i don't know them, and it feels unfair to make that assumption. For all i know there is probably no shortage of amazing fics out there that explore their dynamic much better than the show did.

But though i can't speak for kat@ang fans, there is another group i've seen more often in my metas and video essays journey and talking to male friends throughout the years, what i'll call 'shipping neutral' men. You know the type, they love avatar, they'll spend hours and hours dissecting all the aspects of the story and the themes and the worldbuilding up UNTIL the topic is romance in the show. Then they'll wave it away dismissively saying the show 'was never about romance' and the crazy shippers are 'getting distracted' from the real story and how they just don't care about that aspect. And some of them will say they're fine with Kat@ng because it's canon (and no other reason), some wont have an opinion on any of the ships, except that they're not important and anyone who HAS an opinion on that is just silly.

And HERE i definitely see not only a gender divide but a sexist tendency to disregard romance as less important to any story, and not as an integral part that deserves care and deserves to be well interwoven with the rest of it. It's basically a stereotype now about how zutara fans have all these metas and analysis about how perfectly the ship fits the shows themes and how that would improve the writing (and yes, i agree with all of them) and that's because we know that romance is just as deserving as action, as worldbuildng and whatnot, and that it can be a powerful writing tool to enhance character and plot and themes, and that the way it is done it ATLA is not that. And i think these 'shipping neutral' men's analysis all fall short and even tend to not notice flaws in the story because they refuse to interact meaningfully with that aspect. Because as we all know, romance is for silly girls.

And being honest, i have much more respect for any kat@ang shipper of any gender that is out here being passionate about what they like, writing their fics and writing their own metas and having fun in a respectful way, than i have for men (and people who aren't men) with that dismissive attitude towards the romance arcs in the show.

That was a tangent! But damn i haven't answered an ask like this in a while and its always very fun. Hope i didn't offend anyone lol If its not clear i'm not a fan of ship wars, we stan having fun here. Buuut i also love debating and engaging with the story and that sometimes can get confrontational. There's definitely a space for 'ship discussion' or 'ship debate' that doesn't cross the line to 'ship war', i think that line is 'fun'. We're having fun, right? Discussing fandom and writing is fun, right?

Anyways hope this makes sense, sorry I didn't actually answer your question even though i talked THIS MUCH.

[oediex]

I think it's also important to remember that a likely reason why the "she was always a girl" "he was always a boy" narrative seems to be popular, in general society and among certain cis people, is because it's reassuring to them. "Oh, so it couldn't be me, phew".

This is obviously dangerous, because it can be very harmful to certain trans folk who didn't feel like they were a different gender than their agab when they were a child or a teenager, but are now struggling and feel like they're not doing it right.

I recently realised I'm actually non-binary and she/they rather than cis and she/her, and I'm 34. It's something that had been nibbling at my psyche since probably my 20s, but not as a child or a teenager. And I can't tell you how often I've wondered if I was just "fake" or not actually trans.

don't use "ftm" it's outdated and offensive. it implies that the trans person was their agab, which we never were. i was always a boy, never a girl who became a boy.

i'm 35 years old. i've been IDing as trans or something similar to trans for nearly 20 years. i was probably calling myself FTM while you were playing tag during recess, anon.

i WAS a girl. i IDed as a girl early in my life. i recognized myself as a girl, called myself a girl, lived as a girl, and was a girl. who then IDed as a man. hence, F t M.

spend more time worrying about yourself instead of strangers on the internet, anon.

sorry not sorry if this comes off as needlessly hostile, but i've been getting a lot of shit from a lot of teenage trans kids about the language i use to describe my own goddamn experience, and i'm growing real fuckin weary of it.

i have elder trans friends who call themselves transsexuals and transvestites and trannies. are you going to seriously go to a 60-year-old trans person who survived the reagan years and tell her she's not allowed to use certain language to describe herself because it might offend the delicate sensibilities of some teenager on the internet?

do yourself a favor and log off, find some real-life trans people who are over the age of 20 or 25, and spend time talking to them instead of getting all holier-than-thou at random strangers on tumblr.

[mewvenus]

I just admitted that I think I'm a guy, at least partially. I've spent years downplaying it, repressing it, pretending just associated with some non-binary gender I couldn't name, but I think it's time to admit there's something definitively masculine in me.

I don't want the girl I've been to just disappear. I just want her to take a backseat for a sec while I get to understand this part of me, ya know? I said it out loud for the first time ever to my husband the other day and felt so much relief. It helps of course that he's very supportive and loving 💖

My disphoria is more social than physical which has always made me feel doubt - i like my body and I don't want any new parts. But I don't like how I've always dressed in an objectifying way cuz I felt like it was the only way to feel seen. At the same time, I don't like that I grew up getting in trouble for fighting boys because it wasn't "ladylike". I don't like that my vocal pitch goes up two octives when I talk to service folks (clerks, CS reps, waiters, etc) and I REALLY don't like trying to placate people.

Idk. I just feel like the parts of me I liked best were always boyish but I was always shamed for them and asked to be less of it. But when I dove full on into femininity, I was still shamed for being too wild, or because my body changed and my clothes fit different and now I wasn't being "modest". But I liked being playful, being flirty, being gentle.

I guess I'm saying as of right now...i don't feel like there's any reason being a man should make me less of a woman, nor should being a woman make me less of a man.

[dark--eclipse]

Okay. Okay. He could do this. Tikhas was being perfectly nice to him thus far. A proper gentleman, one could even say with a bit of a stretch, though the coral snake naga had told Donnie that they identified as non-binary rather than strictly masculine or feminine. He hadn't quite gotten bold enough yet to tell Tikhas about being trans himself, but somehow.....somehow he was having a good feeling about it. They were getting along swimmingly, after all. Thus far.

So why was he so nervous about this? Why did it feel like his heart was trying to clamber out of his chest as he followed Tikhas into the woods then, trying to make sure he was following at a respectable distance and that his emotions were kept carefully in check and that he didn't hold eye contact for too long but also--

Gods. He wanted Tikhas to like him. He.....he wanted Tikhas to stick around and not get scared off by all of his oddities. But that was a normal thing to feel in a friendship, right? It didn't mean he had a crush, didn't mean that he was some lovesick fool waiting to fall right back into the arms of romance again. Donnie had learned his lesson when it came to that particular endeavor. He'd never try to get involved with that ever again--

"Hey. You okay?" He was startled out of his thoughts by Tikhas backtracking to slither up next to him, a concerned look on their face. "If this is too much, we can go back and just have a chill night at the house or something-"

"No! No. I'm fine. Really. I'm perfectly fine. If I was any more fine, I'd be---anyway. We're good to continue. I just have a lot on my mind, is all." Donnie tried for a reassuring smile then, hoping that it wouldn't come out looking more like a pained grimace.

Tikhas smiled in turn, exposing just the tiniest bit of his upper fangs. "Alright. Come on, I think the grove I wanted to check out is this way."

Oh. Oh, wow, he had a nice smile. Donnie found himself standing there as the naga forged on ahead, a soft smile of his own coming to his face as his shadows swirled around him and chittered.

Crush! You have crush! You LIKE snake---

Crush crush crush!

"Shut up. I do not," he hissed, forcing his stupid unruly body to just move forward and follow Tikhas into the grove. "It is not a crush. I've learned my lesson. Too many people taking advantage of me, or....or getting scared off, or--"

You liiiiiike him.

Ugh. Tiny menaces. Donnie simply rolled his eyes, continuing onwards until--

--until he almost ran into Tikhas's backside, stopping just in the nick of time. "Ah, here we are. The grove of glow mushrooms I was talking about!"

Woah. Woah. That was.....mushrooms in a lot greater of number than Donnie had been expecting. He was aware that his mouth was hanging open in awe and that he probably looked like a poleaxed idiot as he stood there, but Donnie couldn't help it. This was....amazing. This was such a rare horticultural find! He found his hands raising up to give an excited flap before he could stop himself, a grin spreading across his lips. "Oh. Oh wow. This is.....this is amazing! How did you ever find this place? I have to take samples! Within reason, of course. I wouldn't want to disturb the ecological balance of this place, but....oh my gods, look at all of this! A grove of this size is incredibly rare!"

"Yeah, so I've heard. My family's actually known about it for ages, I guess it's a bit of a family secret. We usually don't give it out to people? But, uh. You and your brothers seem like you're trustworthy folks who aren't going to raze the whole thing, so." Tikhas smiled again, then, the bottom half of their body resting languidly upon a log in the center of the clearing. "Feel free to take a few. You know what they're used for, right?"

"Yes! You can melt them down to create a pigment of sorts, or writing ink, or they can be used as energy sources in lanterns. They're also quite good to eat, but they have to be mixed with other ingredients, otherwise the flavor is a bit strong. They prefer more acidic soil and-" Donnie cut himself off, smiling sheepishly. "Oh. Sorry. I'll go on all night if you let me. I didn't mean to ramble."

"It's alright. I actually like it when you share things about the plants we use. It's nice to meet someone who has the same interests as me. And you're....smart. Smarter than me, even."

Donnie spluttered, putting a hand to his chest in mock offense. "Oh, perish that thought. You're quite good at retaining horticultural knowledge. Better than me. My talents lie in spellwork--"

"I can't even really draw a summoning circle. So I'm jealous of that much."

"--what I'm trying to say is that we have different talents when it comes to retaining knowledge, and that's fine. Perfectly acceptable." Donnie gave a soft smile of his own, then, stilling his hands at his side. There was a beat in which they looked at each other, and he felt some indescribable warmth of sorts blossoming in his chest--

And then he looked away, coughing somewhat nervously. "Uh. Right. I shall....gather samples, and then we'll head back?"

"Sounds good to me." Tikhas turned away to--right, they'd said they were going to monitor the wildlife in the grove to ensure that everything was still thriving and growing as smoothly as possible. Donnie watched for a moment as he knelt to survey several fireflies at the grove's edge, chuckling softly as they nestled against his scales, and for a moment Donnie felt that warmth coming back at how gentle Tikhas was with the tiny creatures, how his gaze softened as he looked at them, and he felt that tiny affectionate smile creeping back onto--

His shadows chittered, snapping him back to himself. Ugh. What was he doing. He was only interested in Tikhas as a friend. A friend. Nothing more. Sure, the coral snake naga had a nice smile, and he had been good with Themis, and Donnie wanted them to like him so terribly badly--but that didn't mean anything! It didn't mean that he actually felt the way that everyone was saying. They didn't know anything about him. They didn't know that he was apparently pre-destined to not have romance work out for him, or that he had long ago accepted that everyone else would have a partner but not him, or--they didn't know. How could they possibly--

Oh, shit, he'd thought he was far enough from that tree root to not trip over--

Faster than he could keep track of, Tikhas was there, grabbing him and holding him steady from falling directly onto the rather squishy-looking fungi. "Woah, hey. Are you alright?"

And Donnie was left to stare up into their face, then, and that strange warmth was back as he looked into those warm yellow eyes, and he really should have said something but he just kept staring like an idiot and oh gods oh gods his face felt warm was he actually blushing was---

SPEAK, you fool.

"Ahah! Yes! I'm fine! Just a....just a little stumble, you can....you can let go now!" Gods damn it, why did his voice sound so squeaky all of a sudden. He had to get it together. He pushed himself away from Tikhas's hold as gently as possible, adjusting the areas of his clothing that had come askew before clearing his throat. "Uh. Right. I've gotten what I needed, so. Uh. We should head back."

"Are you sure? You look upset over something."

No no no this was not happening. "I'm fine."

"Don, it's okay if--"

"I SAID I'm FINE." The shadows swirled around him for a moment, and no, no, he couldn't get emotional right now, he couldn't let Tikhas see the ugly parts of him that he tried so hard to keep hidden, just breathe. They snapped back into him then as he offered yet another sheepish smile, exhaling softly. "Sorry. Sorry. It's not you, uh. Like I said. I've been on edge lately. Let's just....go back to the house."

"Sure. Uh. I didn't do anything wrong, did I? Because I would like to.....see you again."

Donnie froze, spinning back towards him. "You....would?"

"Yeah. Unless I've....messed this up. Somehow."

"No! No, you didn't.....it's. Complicated, is all. Can I think about it? Before I....I mean, I can come to the shop and give you a definitive answer either way, I...."

Tikhas smiled again, but it seemed a bit loose around the edges, almost as if they were struggling with it. "Yeah. Sure. Do whatever you have to. Sorry, I'm just....hoo boy. Not used to staying out this late, really."

"I....know the feeling. Themis keeps me up all hours of the night sometimes-"

"Eh, she's adorable. It makes up for it, doesn't it?"

That got a genuine laugh out of Donnie as he followed Tikhas back out of the grove, his eyes sparkling. "I guess it does. She's the apple of my eye, really--"

"I'll have to make something for her sometime. A little bundle of herbs to help her sleep, or something."

"Oh, no, you don't have to do that. Really--"

"Yeah, but I want to. Mikey's been so nice to me, and your brothers are pretty kind too, and....well. I'd like for us to be friends, yeah? And I can't really do spells, so this is the next best thing to thank you for letting me take you here." Tikhas gestured as they slithered along, hands moving at a mile a minute. "You think she'd like the smell of lavender? I'm thinking more subtle scents, especially since she's so young--"

And as they headed back towards home, Donnie found himself examining that warm feeling within his chest, wondering what seemed so familiar about it, wondering why it was so all-encompassing and--

Oh. Oh.

....shit.

[fireinanhourglass]

i've quietly struggled with the term "bisexual lesbian" for a variety of reasons i couldn't articulate at the time, but i think i've identified and resolved my weird little hang-up; the term perfectly destroys the binary between the "essence" and "choice" models of gender+sexuality

as we get older, i think most lgbtq+ folks move from a pure "essence" model of gender+sexuality (ie. this is who I AM, i was BORN THIS WAY) and move into a blend of essence and choice (ie. if you want to be a lesbian, you can be a lesbian and if you want to be a girl, you can be a girl). but within this, there's this understanding that once you "claim" an identity you are meant to incorporate it into your "essence" -- (ie. this is who I AM, whether by nature or choice doesn't matter)

but "bisexual lesbian" draws attention to that choice-element in contrast with the essence (I AM bisexual, but i CHOOSE to be a lesbian) and externalizes sexuality+gender as something we can engage with on our own terms based on taste, politic, comfort, etc. i understand this may ruffle feathers from the POV of respectability optics (ie. bigots already call our identities "lifestyle choices") or even due to historical community issues (ie. political lesbianism) but i do think there is a truth to the identity-choice model that isnt well represented in modern, mainstream queer identity politics.

to put it another way -- regardless if i ever personally end up using the label "bisexual lesbian" -- there is a truth to the notion that I and many other bisexuals often choose to seek/prioritize romantic relationships with non-men (even to the point of exclusivity, for some). and if that's the case, then i have to concede a choice-element to my sexual expression that is separate from my innate bisexuality and yet also distinct from those who consider themselves to be exclusively attracted to women (ie. lesbian "in essence").

bisexual lesbians (and those with similar choice-element identities) are going to have distinct experiences that separate them from traditional spaces that emphasize a "queer essence" as the uniting force of identity, and i think it's worth interrogating how we may elevate one way of identifying and organizing queer spaces if it comes at the detriment of those who may move between labels not by innate compulsion/realization of self but rather by conscious choice.

[kalinara]

So there's going to be a Murderbot TV show! Great! It might be good. It might be terrible.

I admit, I'm a little befuddled by the casting choice. The actor is very pretty, but I'm not really sure that Murderbot really needed to be yet another white actor.

But I have to admit, some of the fan reaction I've seen is bugging me a bit. And it has to do with gender.

I mean, look, obviously Murderbot has no gender. And thus, the ideal casting choice would be a non-binary or agender actor. I would agree with that. I have no idea how many openly non-binary or agender actors there are right now, so I honestly can't judge the efforts made to find one.

But one of the first comments I saw on one of the articles was "Murderbot should be played by a woman."

And irrationally, I bristled at reading that. I don't know the commenter from Adam, and it's very possible that the commenter meant something like "these sort of action lead characters tend to be portrayed by men and thus, since Murderbot does not have a gender, this is an opportunity for more visual variety."

But one thing I've noticed is that folks tend to be more accepting of the idea of non-binary folk in general when we're AFAB. I think that there's a certain percentage of the population for whom "non-binary" just means a cute androgynous girl.

An AMAB non-binary person doesn't exist. Or gets a lot of the same shit that a trans woman does. We've seen those "women and non-binary only!" statements before. How welcoming do you think they are to a non-androgynous AMAB NB?

I'm not saying I have a lot of faith in Apple's ability to actually portray Murderbot's gender (or lack thereof) in the context of the television show. BUT, assuming they do a good job with the writing, then there's no innate reason why a six foot tall action dude couldn't play a character without gender.

Murderbot's only description in the text, that I recall seeing anyway, was in the one short story from Mensah's point of view. I think it was something about it being lean. Everything else is fair game.

TLDR: It's perfectly understandable to be disappointed by the casting choice for Murderbot, but it's also worth re-examining our biases when it comes to gender and the lack thereof.

[blacksmokebarbarians]

hello so excited for queer greta blurbs! Not sure what ur comfortable writing but would love something for us Non binary folk 🫶🏻

a/n: hey hey hey! this is my first blurb back from hiatus and it's a very special one! it's my first blurb of pride month! i hope you all enjoy! if you do not relate to the things written, keep moving. my account is a safe place for everyone, especially those in the lgbtqi+ community, as i am a part of it myself. so, without further ado!

warnings: none!! fluff, fluff, and more fluff!!

word count: 1,000+

pairing: josh x nb reader.

Sun Over the Horizon

Swinging legs poised on the edge of the log as the sun sat graciously over the horizon. The two of you could sit in comfortable silence for hours, which was the most wonderful part of your relationship. Josh leaned back against the tree just behind the log, watching as dragonflies chased each other over the lake. He exhaled deeply, a smile parting his lips.

"I love this.. Sitting here with you, just taking in the natural world.." He assured, glancing over to you. His hand gently rested against yours atop the log, Your eyes couldn't help but graze over the light dashes of sunburn across his shoulders from the previous hours you had been out.

Once more, Josh looked out across the lake, his hand not leaving yours. He seemed to be lost in thought, but you couldn't quite figure what it was that he was thinking.

You loved being with Josh-- he understood you in ways that no one else ever had. Straying from the typical 'gender norms', you found it hard to find someone so caring and considerate. Josh having his own sense of androgyny, however, brought you comfort and made you feel embraced in his love.

You admired him as his eyes focused on the small ripples in the lake. His hair was tousled, as always, and his skin glistened under the little sunlight that was left. Finally, Josh broke the comfortable silence. "Wanna go for a swim?"

"The water might be cold.." You hesitated, looking over to him.

"Well, we'll get use to it." He shrugged, hopping down from the log. You couldn't argue with that, and besides, you loved going on little adventures with him. As he stood beneath the log, he offered his hands up, ready to help you down. As you slipped off of the edge of the log, he caught you gently, his hands resting on your hips as you steadied yourself on the ground.

Unable to help himself, he placed a gentle kiss against your cheek. His hand slipped into yours as he lead the way towards the shore. He slipped his sandals off on the sand as you unbuttoned your shirt. Finally in your swimsuits, Josh led the way, striding towards the calm waters.

Little splashes surrounded him as he made his way into the lake. Josh looked back to you, smiling softly. "C'mon.. It's not too bad." He assured, his hands outstretched to you.

"Fine.." You groaned, making your way towards him. As always, he was right. The water was still rather warm from the heat of the summer day, just a few degrees cooler than it had been a few hours ago. You took Josh's hands, your eyes meeting his as he pulled the two of you out further into the lake, the water reaching just past your knees.

"Not too bad, huh?" He asked, tilting his head slightly. "No, not too bad.." You giggled, keeping his hands in yours. Everything was calm at that moment-- the sun had finally set, the waves brushed gently against your legs, and the night was quiet. That was, until Josh's mouth opened.

"Last one under water is a rotten egg!"

Mature as he could be, Josh was still a kid at heart. He took off running into the lake with you chasing after him, the water slowly consuming him.

"Oh, get back here!" You groaned, running close behind. Finally, he dipped himself under the water. In the dark midst of the night, you could hardly see him beneath the water. "Josh?" You called out, looking for any signs of the water parting.

Suddenly, your legs were swept from beneath you, giving you just enough time to plug your nose before splashing beneath the surface. Josh came up, erupting in laughter as you popped up just after. "Jerk!" You groaned, laughing softly. Josh pushed his hair back, the wet strands falling past his ears. He couldn't stop laughing, rubbing his eyes to get the water out of them.

"You should've seen your face when you came up!" He said with a laugh, admiring you under the moonlight. As the laughter dimmed, he studied you for a moment. He pushed a slight bit of your hair out of your face, smiling softly to himself.

"Can I kiss you..?" He asked gently, his hand resting against your cheek. "Please.." Was all you could get out before his lips were against yours. He was so gentle, yet so passionate, his free hand finding it's way to your side. His hand left your cheek, resting on your waist as he pulled you closer to him. Everything about Josh felt like a dream-- how handsome he was, how sweet he was, how he kissed you with such perfect rhythm.

He slowly pulled away, a smile replacing his lips on yours. He leaned forward, leaving a soft kiss on your forehead. "You're so lovely.." He hummed, studying your features.

Josh was so delicate, but in such a way that you never wanted out of your life. "Swim with me?" You asked with a smile, slipping his hands into yours.

The two of you made your way out to the deeper portion of the lake, swimming beside each other. Josh absolutely flourished in nature, but you flourished around Josh.

Josh looked up to the stars, his eyes darting from constellation to constellation. "You remind me of the stars.."

"How so?" You asked, looking over to him before adverting your gaze to the sky.

"You're radiant.. And the stars are filled with so many elements that make them so unique, yet every piece of them benefits the universe around them.. You're unlike anyone I've ever met, and all you do is bring joy to my life.."

Blush heated your cheeks as you looked back to him, and he gave you the sweetest smile.

"I love you, Josh.."

[inquisitorius-sin-bin]

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

Ohh boy, thanks for asking. This is a big one for me.

I'm sure a lot of you know by now, but I did not have a good relationship with my parents. I was put up for adoption, my birth father sent death threats to my adoptive parents, my adoptive parents weren't great to me either. I was subject to all sorts of abuse I couldn't recognize or put a name to until I got out. It's kind of messy, so I won't get into all of it, but it's stuff like that that makes me write the way that I do. Even though I write mostly smut fics, I do put a lot of emphasis on parental relationships. I guess I seek out that which I did not have but so desperately wanted.

I think the sheer number of parental figures I cram into these works really speaks to a deep need to fill that role though. Gaverick, Renson, Vanyiel, Drago, Bolen, Olmu, Talion, Theo. All great nurturers who really care about the protagonist (or their own prospective child) in their story. Hell, even Nagee is so deeply devoted to his daughter.

A lot of my abuse was centered on my appearance and my sexuality, so xReader fics are kind of freeing in the sense that I can express myself separate from my own visual identity. I myself identify as non-binary and try to write my reader characters in that sense too, imagining both afab and amab roles in those scenarios and adjusting my prose accordingly. Also, at the best of times, I was just plain neglected, so there's something appealing about smut there. You are wanted, desired, cared for, etc..

It's deeply personal, extremely affirmative work. And I hope that it connects with others too, not just folks in my particular situation. So yeah, it may be silly, but I definitely am projecting my issues into my fics and getting some closure to my own family/body image issues as well.

Thanks again for asking!

[panda-writes-kpop]

Chapter Seven (Avengers AU): You Can Blame It All on Me

A/N: Hi guys, girls, and non-binary pearls! I hope you enjoy this chapter - its a longer one, so make sure to grab a snack and something to drink before you start reading! 🥰

Avengers AU Masterlist | Masterlist

TW: Guns, cursing, past violent scene, mention of murders, lots of angst in this one folks, brief mentions of airports, airplanes, the military, and hypothermia, Y/N still kinda sucks as a person, also Y/N cares for children, JiU breaks into the reader's apartment.

You remember that day just like it was yesterday.

How could I not? It's the memory that shall haunt me for as long as I shall live.

~

It was the dead of the night, as it was when you went to take out most of your targets. This one would be just as easy as your other bounties, or so you had thought.

The large mansion was an eyesore that couldn't be missed by a mile away. The man who you were hunting had a family, but they were away on vacation. That left the rich yet powerful and corrupt man alone, as his security team had traveled with his family.

It didn't take much effort to open the door, and you were able to sneak into the mansion. The layout was just as you had studied, so it didn't take you long to find his bedchambers.

You pull out your silencer, and you open the door, but there's two issues.

First, there's a woman in his bed that is most certainly not his wife.

Second, that woman is awake, and she's looking you dead in the eyes.

~

You set the large box in front of Yoohyeon, Siyeon, and Handong.

"Is that everything?" Handong curiously asks.

"What else do you want? My credit card information?" You chuckle to yourself for a moment. "Feel free to take a look through the box."

Yoohyeon carefully watches you before laying a hand on the box.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

You nod as Siyeon lightly rubs Yoohyeon's shoulder.

"They'll be fine. If Y/N wants nothing to do with our line of work, then we respect their wishes."

"Oh, and if you were curious," You add, "Dami helped me destroy all of my tech equipment."

The three of them silently acknowledge you before Yoohyeon opens the box in front of them. While they're busy sorting through your old ammunition, guns, and attire, you bite your lip in order to keep a small smirk off of your face.

I didn't actually destroy the tech… I just gave it to someone who'd get a lot more use out of it.

Booting up your old computer one last time, you had quickly found Gahyeon's campus address within no time. You put your return address on the package so Gahyeon could know who gifted her such things. Although you felt a little sad to see it go, you knew that Gahyeon would love messing with the technology that you had engineered and crafted over all of those years.

~

It didn't occur to you to think at that moment. You saw the mistress' mouth open, and you remember raising your arm to silence her.

It worked, thankfully, but she was not the only one who was left unscathed. You never had killed an innocent before. All of your targets were criminals, but she was just an innocent woman who was caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. It wouldn't be incorrect for you to say that another part of you died when that woman died.

Leaving those two lovers dead in the middle of the night, you quickly finished the job. You felt sick as you slowly walked through the halls of the mansion. Not once did you feel like shit after finishing a job. You'd be laughing until the cows came home as you counted up the cash made on that night.

Tonight was no time for laughter or celebration. You were sure that if someone else was to see you, they'd mistake you for a corpse. Every step took more effort than you could possibly muster with your body.

You were doing as well as you possibly could… until you walked past a room with an opened door.

You didn't mean to look or spy. It wasn't anything personal between you and your targets. You were in and out in no time because you had nothing stopping you.

You dropped your gun as soon as you saw those two kids peacefully sleeping in the room. They were toddlers, as innocent as they can get.

You couldn't just leave those kids there, could you?

You didn't realize that you never picked up that gun again, nor would you ever pick up a loaded gun again. As soon as you picked up one of those kids, you were done for.

That was the last bounty that you ever took.

~

"Y/N, are you incapable of telling the truth?"

"That's a loaded question, Dami." You mutter as you try to find comfort within the walls of Dami's personal office.

"It's been three years since you took a bounty. Three years, Y/N! You told me that you stopped bounty hunting for six months." Dami places her head in her hands for a moment before looking up at you. "Is this all that you've been hiding from me?"

"Would you be surprised if I said 'no'?"

Dami sits on the edge of her desk before crossing her legs.

"Go on, then."

"That last bounty I took… was a hit on the kids' father." You exhale as you finally get that information off of your chest.

"Y/N, don't tell me that you-"

"You know exactly where I'm going with this. The man led a double life with two families, which was something that I was not aware of until I locked eyes with the mistress. I couldn't just let those kids be without a family, Dami!" You do your best to resist the urge to cry, but waves of sadness and regret keep crashing over you like a never-ending storm.

"So the stories about a dear friend and a car crash were…" Dami trails off as she waits for you to answer.

"Bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit."

You sniffle before wiping your eyes. The agonizing silence that now surrounds the two of you makes you feel more uncomfortable and less at home.

"Why do you still care about me, Dami? I'm a monster."

"No, you're not-"

"How do you know that!?!?" You cry out as you let tears stream down your face. "How could you possibly understand what it's like to be haunted by the same face night after night? You don't know me as well as you think you do."

"You're not the only person in the world who has regrets." Dami leans forward and grabs one of your hands.

"I don't see how being a workaholic and ignoring your partner are in the same league as murdering people."

"That might be one of my bigger regrets, but there's so much more that I failed to do." Dami lightly squeezes your hand. "I was an awful daughter, sister, and friend to so many people. I let everyone down time after time, but they all came to me again and again because they loved me and saw the good parts of me that I didn't show that often."

"You've always been a good person, Dami. You see, that's the difference between you and I. I'm never going to be a good person because of every awful thing that I've done. The killing, the blackmail, all of the hatred in my life… it'll follow me until the day that I die." You take a moment to steady your breathing. "I don't want to live like this- no, I can't live like this anymore!"

"Is that why you gave away some of your personal belongings?" Dami inquires.

"It's a start. I'm trying to correct as many wrongs as I can."

"What else are you planning?"

You pause for a moment before answering.

Should I tell her, or should I just do it?

"I'm going to take the kids to a proper home, where they can be with their family. After that, I'm going to search for an apartment."

"What about your old house in-"

"I sold it. Too many painful memories lurk in every crack in the foundation."

Dami ponders your statement for a moment.

"What about us?"

"What about us?" You repeat back to Dami. "What do you want us to be?"

"I… I don't know anymore."

You've read enough people to know that she's lying like there's no tomorrow, but you play along with it anyways.

"Right… I'm going to help the kids pack their belongings up. It's about a forty-five minute drive to their relatives' house, so I should get them ready soon so I can get back by dark."

You wipe more tears from your face before standing up.

"Y/N?" Her soft voice reminds you that you're still holding hands.

I can't keep doing this back-and-forth with her. I'm sick of playing games with people!

"Sorry for everything. I'm a bad guest, and I probably was a shit partner too. I'll find someplace else to stay until I get everything else in order."

You let go of her hand before exiting her office.

"Y/N, please wait for me-"

As the door shuts behind you, Dami wonders if this is how you felt every time she walked away from you.

~

“Do you really have to go?” You softly asked Yoohyeon at the airport.

She chuckled and shaked her head in return. The sound of her laughter was like an addicting melody that you couldn't get out of your head, and you aren’t quite sure if you ever wanted the sound to leave in the first place.

“I think it’s a little too late to be having regrets, Y/N. I’ve already enlisted, and I know that this is what I want to do with my life.”

“I know… I just worry about you.” You shyly mumbled as she laughed once again.

If it wasn’t weird, you would've asked Yoohyeon to record herself laughing so you’d get to hear her laugh over and over again.

“The great and all-mighty Y/N is worried about little old me? I’m honored!”

“Asshole.” You said under your breath as Yoohyeon lightly punched your arm.

“I’m joking. You’re my best friend in the whole world, and I’ll miss you too. Maybe I’ll miss your cooking more than anything but…” She paused for a moment after seeing you glare at her. “Okay, okay, I’ll miss being around you more than anything.”

You’re tempted to ask her about why she just called you her best friend, but you weren’t exactly in the mood nor in the proper place to ask such a question. You weren’t one for public confession, especially not to your childhood crush and best friend.

“Stay safe, okay? Make sure to come visit me too.” You gave her a quick, warm hug before backing away from her.

“I’m eighteen, and I just graduated high school. I’m in peak physical condition, so I think everyone should be scared of me.” Yoohyeon flexed her muscles, which caused you to laugh.

“You’ll be quite popular, I think. I’ll probably be calling you Captain or Lieutenant before you come home for Christmas.”

“Okay, now that’s a bit too much flattery, Y/N, even for me.”

“I didn’t think such a limit existed for you.” You joked as Yoohyeon cracks a smile.

“I really will miss you.”

“I know, but you’ve got a flight to catch. Go get ‘em, Yooh Bear!” You cheered as she started to walk away from you.

She offered you one last smile before finally turning away from you. Suddenly, the urge to run after her and tell her every little lie about how you’ve truly been feeling took over you. You were able to resist said urge as you slid your hands into your pockets.

You’ll see her soon, and there’ll be plenty of chances to confess your feelings to her in the future. You just have to be patient.

You calmly walked out to your car, but you’re stopped by a man and a woman in fancy suits.

“Excuse me, are you Y/N L/N?” The man asked, and you tentatively nodded.

“We’re going to need you to come with us.” The woman added while looking at her friend.

You looked at them in confusion.

“What are you talking about?”

“You can either come with us, or you can explain to the FBI why you were meddling with government security systems in your free time.” The woman explained.

“You’ve really given me a lot of choices here…” You rolled your eyes at them. “What do you want with a newly graduated high schooler who likes to mess around with computers from time to time?”

“You’ll see, soon enough.”

~

“Y/N, where are we going?” The young girl asks as you load the kids’ belongings into the minivan that you rented.

“Do you remember when I talked to you about Nuestro último día?” You ask before placing the last suitcase in the trunk.

“Yeah! It was the day where we’d finally get to meet some of your family members… but you won't be able to see or talk to us again because you’ll be working all of the time.” She softly says as you crouch down next to her.

“I know it’ll be sad, but it’s for the best. Do you remember the two rules that I set?”

The boy runs out and starts waving his hands.

“Ooh, I do! The first rule is that we have to be good no matter what, and the second is that we can’t ever mention or bring up you again because people will hurt you if we do.”

“Good. Now, you two should get in the car. We’ve got a long drive ahead of us.” You get up to close the trunk, but you notice that the girl hasn’t moved.

“Y/N, are you gonna forget about us?”

“No, I could never forget about you two.” You offer her a reassuring smile, but she still doesn’t move.

“What if we forget about you?”

You pause for a moment.

“I’ll always love you, no matter if you remember me or not.”

~

New York City was nothing like you’d imagined. You had dreamed of coming here as a kid, and now that you officially worked and resided here, it was a dream come true.

You enjoyed the hustle and bustle of city life, even more so than you enjoyed your job. You worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. under a four-year contract. That was the time you would ‘serve’ for what you had sniffed out as a curious teenager. You did find your work dull, but that was mostly because you finished a day’s work in about an hour of time. When you were done, you were free to head back to your apartment. You strayed a lot, and it wasn’t like you couldn’t. S.H.I.E.L.D. offered you a generous weekly allowance, and although you stowed most of the money away for a rainy day, you did like to spoil yourself with a nice meal or a new piece of clothing every now and again.

You were walking on the streets of New York while trying to decide what to do with the rest of your day, and then it started to rain. Although you did enjoy the rain, you weren’t equipped with an umbrella, so you were forced to run into the nearest open building.

You still managed to get soaked from head to toe, but you convinced yourself that it would have been worse if you were out there for longer. You checked out the interior of the store that you walked into as you realized that you had stepped into a university library. You didn’t think you were that close to campus, but yet again, you weren’t really paying attention in the first place.

A woman decked out in NYU apparel walked towards you with a friendly smile.

“Are you here to visit someone on campus, or are you possibly lost?”

You shook your head at her.

“No, no, I was just looking for a place to stay dry for a little bit.”

“I’m sorry, but we can’t let you stay here if you’re not a student, or if you’re not with a student.”

You bit your lip before shivering.

“I see. I’m sorry for disturbing you, ma’am.”

“Good luck staying dry.”

You tried to think of warm places as you headed back towards the door, but nothing can prepare you for the downpour outside. You sighed as you placed your hand on the handle.

“Wait, Ms. Rayfield, they’re with me!”

You turned around to see who else is talking. A woman with soft, brown eyes and shoulder-length brown hair glanced at you for a moment before turning to the other woman.

You paused as you heard Ms. Rayfield sigh.

“Dami, just because you’re a graduate medical student, that does not mean that you can-”

“Please, Ms. Rayfield, they could become hypothermic if they’re out there for much longer.” Dami pleaded with the woman. “I know I’m becoming a doctor, but that doesn’t mean I want people to be sick or dying.”

The older woman sighed again before turning to you.

“Can I at least see an ID? We have police records on file, and I want to make sure you’re not dangerous.”

“How is that fair-”

You cleared your throat for a moment.

“Although I thank you for your heroics, Dami, I understand where she’s coming from.” You fished out your ID, and you gave it to her. “I wouldn’t want anyone who was dangerous around here either.”

“Stay here for a moment,” Ms. Rayfield said before backing away, “and that includes you, Dami!”

Dami exhaled in relief before shaking her head.

“I’m so sorry about her. She’s uptight, and-”

“-is just trying to do her job to protect students?” You interrupted as you tried to stop yourself from laughing. “You really are passionate about what you do.”

She shrugged slightly.

“I care for people. It’s just what I do.”

“Even strangers whom you’ve never met?”

A slight smirk played on her lips.

“Especially strangers that I’ve never met.”

“Interesting… the world could always use more people like you.”

“Don’t you mean people like us?”

Your eyebrows burrowed in confusion.

“I don’t get what you’re saying.”

“Don’t act like you weren’t concerned when I confronted Ms. Rayfield.”

You became visibly flustered as you tried to deny her accusation.

“I- No, that was- It-” You bowed your head for a moment as you tried to collect your thoughts. “Okay, so maybe you’re right after all.”

Dami offered you a light smile.

“I’m always right.”

The two of you continued talking until Ms. Rayfield walked back and hands you your ID.

“You’re all good, Y/N. Enjoy your stay on campus.”

You sighed in relief before putting your ID away.

“Y/N, huh?”

“You don’t like my name?” You jokingly ask.

“No, I think it fits you perfectly.”

You did your best to hide your embarrassment.

“Thanks.”

Dami took a step forward before gesturing you to follow her.

“I have a spare umbrella so we can walk back to my dorm. I’m sure someone on my floor will have something that’ll fit you.”

“You’re too kind, you know?”

She shook her head.

“I told you, Y/N, I care for people. It’s just what I do."

~

After dropping the kids off at their aunt’s house in the middle of the night, you were able to drive home in peace as the sunrise greeted you. You felt like pulling off on the side of the road and crying your eyes out, but you knew that you had to stay strong for the kids and for yourself.

You made it back to Dami’s place without shedding too many tears. You carefully stepped out of the minivan as you walked to the front door. You opened the door, went inside, and closed it without making too much sound.

I don’t want to wake Dami because I don’t want to disturb her, plus I’m sure that I am the last person on Earth that she would ever want to see after I blew up on her.

Your luggage is right next to the door where you set it. With only three trips, you get everything that you need into the car. You close the trunk, which causes you to make direct eye contact with Dami.

Well, so much for not waking her, I guess.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” You say before stepping onto the sidewalk.

“You didn’t. I couldn’t sleep anyways.”

You try your best to mask your surprise.

Dami was the one who always lectured you about getting more sleep, eating all of your meals, and drinking enough water. She always led by example, and this is definitely out of the ordinary.

“You were worried about me?”

“I’m always worried about you. You make it hard not to be.”

You chuckle slightly.

“You care about everyone, Dami. That’s just the type of person you are.”

“That’s what the arrogant resident doctor told you.”

You raise an eyebrow.

“Oh, really? So the supreme space wizard and the arrogant resident doctor aren’t the same person? What a shocker!”

Dami sighs at your sarcasm, but you can see that a light, playful smile is trying to break through her serious facial expression.

“You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t.” You pause to fold your arms and lead against the minivan. “Please inform me on this subject.”

“I used to say that I cared for everyone, but that was never the case. I only cared for myself and what would help me in life. It took a car crash and months of therapy and training to realize that you can either care a little for a lot of people, or care a lot for a few people.”

“Dami…” You bite your lip as you try to think of something to say. “Why didn’t you ever tell me this before?”

“I’m sure you know this, but you’re not exactly one of the easiest people to talk to and get along with.”

“I’m absolutely offended, but I see your point.”

“I’m also smart enough to know that opening up to you will not prevent you from driving away in that car.”

“I always was the stubborn one.” You smile for a moment before pulling away from the car. “So… why are you out here, then? You’re not going to try and stop me, so what are you doing?”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

“Well, I hope you find your answers one way or another. I’m not sure that my interference will help in any way.”

You take a deep breath before turning towards your car.

“Y/N, if you need anything-”

“I know where to find you, plus I have your phone number.” You open up the car door. “I’ll be fine, Dami. It’s almost like you don’t trust me or something.”

“I do, I just-” She cuts herself off before looking away from you.

She looks at me the same way I looked at Yoohyeon when she left.

You bite your lip before sighing.

You have to fix things between the two of you, Y/N. What if this is the last time you see her? Do you want this to be your last impression of one another?

You step away from the car as you walk towards Dami.

“What are you-”

“Not a word.” You mutter before wrapping your arms around her. “Just let me enjoy this for a moment.”

She slowly wraps her arms around you, and you sigh in content as you enjoy her warm embrace.

We’re like two shooting stars who can’t help but collide whenever we cross paths. It’s disastrous and deadly, perhaps, but it probably is one hell of a show for anybody watching. It’s beautiful, mesmerizing, and horrifying all at the same time.

~

You didn’t tell Dami that you kept the apartment that S.H.I.E.L.D. gifted you, and to be honest, you really didn’t care to. You made monthly rent on the apartment, and you paid all of the bills, so no one ever really questioned why nobody went in or out of there.

You didn’t bother to bring any of your things up until you had a chance to inspect the apartment. You grabbed the key from your pocket, and you quickly unlocked the door before heading inside.

It’s dark inside the apartment, as you would expect. You turn on the lights, and right as they turn on, you make eye contact with a person inside of your apartment.

“Holy shit!” You yelp as the red-haired woman chuckles. “Who the hell are you?”

“I’m surprised you don’t know who I am.” She slides off of one of the kitchen chairs before approaching you. “Does Captain America or the Falcon ring any bells?”

She must either work with them, or she wants to kill them. The red hair… Who has red hair?

“Oh, you’re the Black Widow!”

“You’re as smart as they claim.” A light smile appears on her face. “I must admit, I’m impressed by your work.”

“It’s nothing that I’m proud of.”

“Is anyone proud to be a killer?”

“You should add ‘Philosopher’ to your resume, along with ‘Trained Mercenary’.” You roll your shoulders back as you try to remain calm. “What games are you trying to play with me?”

“None. I’ve just been curious to meet the person that’s got Siyeon in a chokehold, but yet, I still have no idea why.”

“I’m pretty and deadly. You’d know a lot about that, right?” You wink at her as she shakes her head.

“You are as bad as Siyeon, my goodness. "

“That’s how I got the name La Rosa Sangrienta. The Bloody Rose, but you probably already knew that. Roses are pretty, and they pull people in with their allure. Once they’ve been attracted, the thorns strike their target. Nobody ever knows who did the killing because the color of the blood-”

“-perfectly matches the color of the red rose.” The Widow smiles. “It’s more inventive than what I have.”

“I don’t know about that. Spiders can be pretty scary.”

She laughs for a brief moment.

“You’re nothing like you appear.”

“I think I could say the same about you, JiU.”

She steps away from you in shock.

“How did you kn-”

“I’ve hacked into government security systems. Doing a background check on superheroes is like child’s play.” You explain with a smirk on your face.

“Clever as always, Y/N.”

You chuckle as you try to hide how suprised you are at hearing your name come from her mouth.

“You’ve done your own research, I see.”

“I do what I can.”

You cross your arms in front of your chest.

“What did you come here for, then? This conversation could’ve easily happened in a cafe or somewhere in public, but you chose to sneak into my apartment because you had something to say to me that you don’t want other people to hear.”

JiU bites her lip before answering you.

“I don’t know how, but Irene knows that you’re connected with us.”

“Irene? Do you mean…” You trail off as JiU nods her head. “Fuck me, then.”

“We might be able to get you out of the city if we can go now.”

You sigh before running your hands through your hair.

Why is it always me?

“It’s a good thing that my stuff’s packed. Let’s go.”

JiU follows you out of your apartment, and you think you’re able to make an escape until you see a limousine outside of the front lobby.

“I know another way.” JiU grabs your hand before pulling you away from the lobby windows.

She’s not fast enough as you’re able to make direct eye contact with the world’s richest woman in the world.

Bae Joohyun, Irene, Iron Woman- whatever name you shall prefer.

[laskyy]

hi, Ana!~ I hope you are doing well!! 💕 can I request a reaction to p1harmony when they first had a fight with their partner?~

you can ignore this request if it is uncomfortable for you! I really like your acc & work, and I always want to request something from you, but I have so few ideas about it😸

aaaaand

I love u, Ana🙌🏻💗

have a great day, Ana !!<<33

Hi my love!

I'm so so sorry for the wait! But I finally had some time off so I'm going to write your request! And thank you so much for being so patient and sweet bub! I always look forward to your requests! I love you too Anna, and I hope you have a great day 💖💖💖

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

P1harmony when they fight with their s/o for the first time

Tw: Crying, yelling, one curse word, fighting (not physically tho), hugging (as always, let me know if I missed something)

Genre: angst, fluff

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

Theo:

You and Theo hadn't been spending a lot of time together and it was all because he was overworking himself.

Like the worried partner you were, you decided to confront Taeyang about this, but as he was stressed, things didn't exactly go how you planned, because now, you guys had your first ever fight, he was angrily running his hand through his hair and you were on the verge of tears.

(rest of Theo and the other members under the cut!)

"It's my job! You have to understand that!" Taeyang slightly raised his voice at you.

"But you're not eating well not sleeping well! And you barely spend time with me." the last part barely came out of your throat as you finally broke down and started crying.

Theo saw you in such a vulnerable state that he started to think to himself if he was even in the right to argue with you.

After a few seconds of thinking he realized that he was in fact overworking and that if he relaxed more he would have time to be with you and take care of himself.

He regretted this fight so he started feeling bad and ran to hug you while whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

"I'm so sorry baby. I promise I'll do a better job in taking care of myself." He said as you calmed down and hugged him tighter as you both enjoyed each others warmth forgetting about that arguement.

Keeho:

You and Keeho had been going strong with your relationship. Well, that is until he promised to take you out, but forgot, for the 3rd time this week.

So here you were sitting on the couch all dolled up while Keeho entered your shared flat as if nothing happened.

"You're three hours late!" You stated asyou watched Keeho raised one eyebrow in confusion.

"We had a date Stephen!" As you said this he widened his eyes, but then made a mad expression.

"Well, you know I can't just remember everything! I have a job you know? You knew what you were getting into!"

"At least try to care, so I don't make a fool of myself!" You said hoping he would apologize, but instead the fight got worst and not to mention you guys had never fought before.

Eventually you stopped shouting and went into separate rooms to calm down, but you both new you couldn't stay mad at each other.

Keeho entered the room you were in and hugged you from behind. "I'm sorry this happened, I'll try not to forget dates and not stay working until late when I can." And you couldn't say mad at him either.

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have snapped, I know how hard you work, and I'm so proud!" And with that ladies, gents and non-binary folks, you made up with your boy Keeho :)

Jiung:

Jiung was such an amazing boyfriend you couldn't even imagine fighting with him! Until you did fight for the first time.

You forgot to clean one of your dishes, because you were so busy with exams you barely had time to eat, but Jiung's clean freak side erupted and he must've been in a bad mood that day, because when he saw that dirty plate in the sink he snapped.

"Is it so hard to clean one plate? Do I have to do everything here?" Jiung shouted as you were trying to study in your room. And as you didn't answer he came in your room.

"Did you not hear me? You didn't clean your plate!" He said as he angrily stared at you.

"Ji I'll do it later, not now I'm studying!" You said trying to sound calm so he would leave you alone for now.

"Oh so leave basic decency out the window right? Do you think you'll get out of cleaning the dishes?" "Jiung it's not that deep! I'll do it later!" But your words were left unheard, because Jiung washed your dish and kept on calling you out everytime he passed by your room.

You were so stressed about exams and your first fight with your boyfriend that you couldn't take it anymore and started crying on top of your notes. Jiung heard sobs from the living room and came to check on you.

After conforting you, he recognized how much of a dick he had been so he apologized and showered you with kisses as he made you take a little rest break.

Intak:

You and Intak were playing a few games as he was stressed from work, but what didn't help his case was the fact that you kept winning.

Normally he would be alright and even happy for you, but as he was stressed it was the last straw for him.

"You cheater stop that!" He said in a loud and serious voice. "You're not even good at this game!" He said again in a powerful tone.

You weren't aware of how angry he looked because you were celebrating your win, so you thought he was just playing around with you.

"Maybe you aren't that good in this game!" You said as you laughed slightly, but unfortunatrly Intak just wasn't having it today.

"Don't say nonsense! I always win these! Why are you vringing me down!" And from here you started to catch on his mood, but the fight, and your first fight, I may add, kept going.

But it all stopped when Intak started crying, because today just had been too much for him and you couldn't help but feel bad about seeing him in this state and the fact that you were also at fault for his breakdown.

"Tak, I'm so sorry baby, I was really immature. I should've known better, and I should have comforted you because you were stressed." You said as you wrapped your arms around your boyfriend in hopes to calm him down.

"It's okay, I'm sorry for causing this, I was in a bad mood, I just need your comfort now!" And of course you comforted your big baby.

Soul:

You and Soul were hanging out in an empty dance practice and at first it was fun because you guys were just dancing around and playing with each other, but eventually it got late and you had to go home.

But Soul didn't seem bothered by that since he kept dancing and trying to perfect a choreo, so you decided to announce that you had to go, but things went south :/

"So I invite you here and you get bored just like that? Fine I should've thought twice before inviting you to such a meaningful place for me." He said as he turned his back on you to drink water.

"No, calm down! I have to work tomorrow and it's late! And you're not playing attention to me at the moment, so it doesn't matter to you does it? I'm leaving!" You said as you left the practice room in tears.

You couldn't believe you and Soul just fought, it was your first fight and you never thought you'd be in this position.

You were walking to your car when you felt two arms wrap around your waist tightly.

"I'm so sorry, don't leave like that. I was stressed about the choreo. I would never think twice about bringing you to meaningful places." Shota sniffled in your shoulder.

You turned around to hug him normally. "Oh baby, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just left like that! It wasn't right." And with that you stayed a little longer in Soul's arms and went home in a better mood.

Jongseob:

You and Jongseob were both watching a show together and you made a rule to only watch it with the other around so you couldn't be ahead of one another. It was an efficient way to avoid spoilers.

One day Jongseob came to visit and saw you watching the show, but he couldn't recognize the episode which meant you were watching without him!

If he was in a better mood he wouldn't have minded that, he would even have thought that It was cute how invested you were, but today he kept messing up his flow and the lyrics just weren't it so needless to say he wasn't in the best mood.

"What do you think you're doing?" Jongseob said as he paused the episode and got in front of the TV.

"I knew you were about to arrive and I couldn't really wait, so I just saw a few minutes of the new episode but I didn't think you'd mind!" It was true you only saw a little bit, and besides that, Jongseob had done the same thing several times to you and you never got mad at him.

"Well, but you broke our rule, so I'm mad! Why can't you get anything right?" He said as his voice grew louder by the minute.

"Jongseob you're forgetting the fact that you've done this to me as well aren't you?" You said trying to keep your cool. "But it is not okay to do this!" Jongseob said loudly as the fight, your first fight, got into bigger proportions.

You both ended up crying and none of you wanted to apologize, but as soon as you looked in each other's eyes you just ran into each other's arms without thinking twice.

"I'm sorry Jongseob. I won't do it again I promise!" You said as you hiccuped in his arms.

"It's okay. I'm sorry for getting mad at you! I never wanna fight again! I love you so much!" Jongseob whispered against your hair as he pulled you closer.

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

Hope you guys enjoyed this! Take care! Have a great day/afternoon/night! Love you 💖

[jan-lojuwise]

Woah I had never really stopped to think about that the original Spring Collab names were skill titles, that makes sense.

This all ends up boiling down to a lack of foresight of the people who were in charge of difficulty names in SC, to no fault of their own. So few players could even play something like Tripeak Trail back then, let alone hots. I don't think a single player from 2020 could even come close to beating The Solar Express in a reasonable amount of time. That's how much the community has evolved, but I'll have to beg to differ.

Being a contrarian, I really don't believe the new names are all that bad. It would be an entirely different story if we tried to make grandmaster refer to gm+1 and we inserted master into what is currently gm (looking at you sk) (Without even mentioning that expert and master are pretty much synonims), changing pre established patterns will just lead to confusion, just look at the hard golden list tier 0 fiasco.

Changes like these need to be methodical and thought out, I don't think we'll ever have a good and agreed upon name for gm+1, but has a name for anything ever been perfect? Even during sc development people couldn't agree upon difficulty names.

Going on a bit of a linguistic tangent here, portuguese doesn't have a gender neutral pronoun like They/Them, we had to invent one. All words are gendered. "A" for feminine (A Chave. The Key) and "O" for masculine (O Portão. The gate). All adjectives too, a good rule of thumb is that if an adjective ends in "a", then it's feminine, if it ends in "o", masculine it is. But this poses a problem, doesn't it? How do we include non binary folk?

Well the answer was to intentionally warp the language. Introduce a new pronoun. To eat other languages and digest them into our own. A new pronoun was created, one that ends in "u", thus elu/delu. Gata ou Gato (handsome) becomes Gate, Estiloso becomes Estilose, Diva becomes Dive, etc. If you think people complain that singular They/Them is confusing, you haven't even seen the scale of the culture war over here (not invalidating yalls struggle, just saying that it could be much worse).

Something I've learned, and truly believe in, from making irl non-binary friends and speaking Portuguese, is that languages should be ruled by the speaker, instead of the speaker being ruled by the language.

You can see where I'm going with this. Yes, maybe Astral or Celestial or Virtuoso or whatever isn't immedeately obvious, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘭𝘶/𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘶, but we make do. Because people felt the currently existing terminology or language to be lacking, so we had warped it and made it our own.

Someone who has never heard of portuguse gender neutral pronouns will never understand what we mean, because it is inherently alien. If I have to explain to people what gender neutral even is to be understood, why can't we simply take 10 seconds to explain to a newcomer that astral is higher than gm?

I guess this all boils down to deeply personal conflicts, but I just can't reasonably complain all the time and suffer that older irl folks don't accept change, and then go on about how the newcomers to a community I hold dear are all oblivious with their new names and changing of the status quo.

Curious to see what yall think of this

random opinion post about celeste difficulty namings

i have come to a realization that this is MY blog so i can write about whatever i want. insert an evil and mischievous grin

In Modding communities, finding a working system to classify the difficulty of mods is something pretty important, and the celeste community sticks to a handful of names for substantial difficulty stepping stones, being Beginner, Intermediate, Advanced, Expert, and Grandmaster. These five were established by the 2020 Spring Collab, and since then have become the norm. However, as the community ages (holy fuck, its been three years since spring collab??) players naturally get better and mappers naturally feel comfortable making harder stuff. I am now going to discuss why I do not like the names for 99% of the harder stuff :)

obligatory note is that these are all opinions and all in good fun im not gonna explode if someone calls a celeste map astral or anything its just something which lightly ticked me off so hey thats why i write about it

One point which I'll often come back to is the usage cases of the first five difficulties. Beginner, Expert, and Grandmaster are all titles, you can call yourself a Beginner at Celeste mods, in the same way a pro chess player could call themselves a chess Grandmaster. These are subtle, but in my eyes help establish and ground the difficulty names, in my eyes if you told someone "I'm a celeste expert!" versus "I'm a celeste grandmaster!" they could probably understand grandmaster as being better, due to it's usage in other mediums. As for Intermediate and Advanced, these are words just defining skill levels. The important part though is that these have a precedent of being used and having meaning, look up advanced or intermediate on YouTube, and you'll find a lot of educational videos on things like "Advanced English Learning Practice" or "25 phrases every Intermediate English speaker must know", so on. Now for the specific GM+1 Names I don't like: Celestial, Astral, and/or Stellar: These ones I see a lot, and they feel like very weird cases. All of these are... Not skill titles! But instead words used to describe space????? When I hear "Astral Celeste Maps", the first thing that would come to mind (especially if this was my first time hearing the term) was maps relating to or themed after space, but nope! they're instead used for really really hard celeste maps. These are somewhat titles (calling yourself an astral just makes me think of a sci-fi movie), but their titles aren't for skill levels in any way, Looking up "Celestial Difficulty" on YouTube won't net you any other communities or the like which use these as difficulty markers. Maybe one community here or there use them but I doubt they are nearly as prominent as "Grandmaster" for example. Virtuoso: This one's better, although I'm still not a fan. Virtuoso is defined as someone who excels in the technique of an art, in particular a form being in the sciences or arts, also typically used in musical cases. This is a good start, and writing this has made me like the term slightly more knowing its definition, but it still falls under an arbitrary line in my eyes. What defines Virtuoso as being harder then Grandmaster? From Beginner up to Expert, I feel like the definitions of the words naturally place them in that order of difficulty. Grandmaster can be seen as arbitrary yes, but it's already been established so in my opinion there isn't all too much you can do. If you wanna hold a campaign to remove all usage of the term 'grandmaster' from celeste modding so there are more natural stepping stones from beyond that then be my guest. To get to the point, theres nothing in the definition of Virtuoso which places it as harder then Grandmaster. once again my opinion but comparing a status from international competition in a game (Grandmaster) to a word defining skill in an art (Virtuoso) feel arbitrary in my eyes. virtuoso is also goofy in my eyes so i just dont like it because of that ultimately though writing this has made me realize im fine with virtuoso but oh well. also if you knew what the word virtuoso meant without having to look it up i do not believe you are real sorry </3

yeah thats it thats the post i just kinda wanted to 'rant' about Celestial Astral and Virtuoso theyre goofy lets just stick to "Super Grandmaster" thnx, id be interested in reading someone's thoughts on the term virtuoso but otherwise goodbye have a nice night